shatter my lens

I didn't know how to "poetize" this, so it stands as is :) just poetic language I guess..(the explanation is at the end)...

Lately I am my own worst enemy and my own best friend. I see an artificial happiness right within reach and I push it away only to make myself disappointed, yet proud to not have settled. My pride powers me. I know what I want and will not bend, as I have in the past. My stubbornness comforts me. I am happy to keep myself happy.

I see what's on the other side and trick myself into thinking its better and that the grass is greener. But when the wool is lifted from my eyes, the vividness of the green on my side is then enhanced. Then I am content with being in proximity to a happiness, but keeping it just far enough away. Far enough so it will only look nice at a distance and won't lose its lustre in closer view. Things (and people) lose their quality when seen very closely, and seeing things closely is necessary to understand them. Understanding can spoil the seemingly-wonderful.

But something will resist being spoiled. Something will have grown to embrace goodness within every fibre, and will not fade and wither under the lens of understanding. And that something will be found the day the lens is shattered and everything returns to its original beauty.

That something will be undoubted. i will not have to change or lift my lens of understanding because it will not be required. That something will be unshakable and unbreakable and will flip my understanding upside down without my having to do so myself. It will come and change every former form of vision and pave way for new ones without hesitance. It will be certain and evoke certainty. It will be stronger than me.

And if you didn't catch it..something is a he. The he I am waiting for. The he that will be the only one who can offer anything more than I can obtain myself. The he that will find me and tell me that it is only he who will suffice. 

So this came from the fact that I have been trying to put an end to my loneliness (romantically, obviously), but have just realized that I like my loneliness better than I like changing to accommodate someone that isn't life-changing (or even close). I was accommodating before in hopes of increasing the chances of finding someone willing to be stronger than me. But as soon as weakness was adopted, weakness was found. So I'm reverting back to my stronger self, slimming down the odds, and enjoying doing so! So step up if you want a go, cuz I refuse to step down. And I say all this with love :)