to party or not to party? that is the question.

Wow what a roller coaster.  To start with, a very sleepless week and then exhaustion from pushing myself to get everything done.  The party didn't happen, MUCH to my disappointment.  I even got up early to bake cookies and brownies and set up party platters and clean the house up.  Its too bad it didn't live up to the standard of the pool party I had in high school  :/ But at least I will look back fondly on that :) 

Unfortunately, now my 21st will no longer be about getting everyone together, but rather about getting ME together.  I plan on doing something that will enhance my life, without the possibility seeing so vividly how little it matters.  That 'something' will be addressed publicly at a later time.  It may or may not involve ink. ;P

And then there was the 'up'! Went to a birthday celebration at tech with manda and the guys.  They are so much fun!  Got to maintain some newly-forming friendships.  Also got to feel of some bit of use by bringing all the baked goods, waste not want not! Appreciation definitely helped :) 

Now I need to get some zzzzs cuz I am about to drop like a fly! Peace.  and I mean PEACE...like do unto your neighbor as you would like them to do unto you! Because you never know how much your actions may mean to someone at the time.  :/

small talk has perks!

Talk about fate! Or coincidence you prefer. I got to class early like always, to find the door locked and sat outside in with that awkward, heavy air when the person next to you may or may not be waiting for the same door to open to the same class.  So I break the silence and say to the girl next to me, "human services" as if other human services classes aren't offered in the same building (note to self: be more specific when verifying important details).  


But luckily we WERE in the same class, a class with about 10 girls and 2 boys..one of which entered the room singing "i'm your biggest fan I'll follow you..." haha creepy? maybe. hopefully just fun-lovin. 


So then I notice the girl has the economics books I had last semester, more importantly the books that are KSU specific and therefore not 're-sellable'..so before I can even mention this, she begins telling me her dilemma of just coming from the bookstore and being quite put-out with the prices.  


EUREKA! So we made a deal for her to buy my books and she immediately went to return hers! Man, am I thankful for small-talk at that moment! :) Funny how things work out!

boys boys boys? NO. books book books

Today was pretty academically unproductive compared to yesterday, but its all good because we have Monday off for MLKJr Day!!! I just remembered! Kinda weird we have a holiday a week into the semester, but that gives me more time to get my books in and my readings done, so whew!  I must admit it is quite scary sitting in the front of these discussion-type classes not having done the readings, but luckily I am getting along well with the teachers so far so this should be a good start.  


Started a research project yesterday..well, actually it was two assignments at once..one is to give a comprehensive and concise definition of a 'theory' and the other is to study Emile Durkheim, an old sociologist (yeah, that's all I know about him so far...hence the necessity for research :P ) Coincidentally I had perused through the library for the first time the day before and found the few reference books they have on sociology and was able to go straight to them! I think I have about 7 sources now for the 'theory' assignment so now all I have to do is put it together.  


I also took a trip to the South Cobb Regional Library and ordered the book for pleasure-reading I have been looking forward to...Green by Ted DekKer..the last and prequel book to The Circle Series.  However, its already been checked out :( Waiting for that to get in along with one sociology book..Really, I get frustrated with the library...they barely had any books on sociology and none on Durkheim..I wonder how to go about getting more books into the libraries? Probably means more taxes :/  I also checked out Villete by Charlotte Bronte (I have never heard of it before, but its supposed to be Jane Eyre -ish so I should enjoy it), Digital Fortress by Dan Brown, and Emma by Jane Austen.  I was getting a few pages into Tale of Two Cities by Dickens, but I think I'll save that one for later. 


Went to Town Center mall and stopped at a secret location! I don't want to broadcast it until closer to time, but I am quite looking forward to an event in the near future.  I will blog ALL about it when the time is right.  I picked up some 'boot warmers' too :) So I can wear my boots without looking like a vamp :)  They rang up at a whopping $5.26!! LOVE getting savings!


So enough business...I'm getting excited for the Wii Partii!! I hope to introduce some of my faithful friends to my newer ones!  And to figure out when everyone has breaks and how classes are going and such.  And I can't pass up an excuse to play hostess.  :) So me and mom went and bought a bunch of Cokes and Sprites and raided the clearance Christmas chocolates sections..on top of the Christmas chocolates we already have leftover, lol..and I can't wait to bake again! Its been too long now..about a month??  TOO long :) Then that night there is a possibility of a 21st birthday celebration! I LOOVEE those! So crossing my fingers for that..then hopefully I can take the sis to go see Avatar Sunday with our Regal gift cards!! 


Anyway, peace luvs!

intimacy or independence?

My Social Theory teacher had us read this article about the prevalence of hooking up and it says how many more young people are 'hooking up' (whatever you define that to be) now that marriage ages are higher than they used to be.  Its kinda funny, that the more focused on ourselves and our goals/aspirations we become, the less intimacy we want from other people..but are those goals really for our own satisfaction or for others'? I like to think that I am focused on my school and career so that later in life (with or without a significant other) I am happy with my living situations.  In a way, I like seeing that people are starting to treat romantic relations as icing on the cake, but that time of unrest and detachment is kind of a bittersweet form of independence.  Is the temporary emotional attachment worth it in the long run? ..what do you think??

stem-cell 'glue'

80% success rate of mixing patient's own stem cells with a collagen gel and injecting it into the wounded area! Wow. 
http://news.yahoo.com/video/science-15749654/17583205
This is amazing! Its your own stem cells..not an embryo's! This makes me think twice before saying anything negative against "stem cell research" and rather to specify that there is a GREAT difference between that and "embryonice stem cell research".  I wonder how that will go about with legislation..

switchfoot on fallon

Switchfoot will be performing on Late

Night with Jimmy Fallon on Wednesday January 20th.  Tune into your local

NBC channel at 12:35 / 11:35 cst.  For more information on the show,

please visit http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/

hello new year..the game plan

Hey everyone! I went ahead and posted all my old poems and those fun get-to-know-you-better-but-pain-in-the-butt-to-do chain letters from FB onto here.  I will probably start using this more as a close to daily journal along with another outlet for my poetry.  


So I'm starting off the new year with some creativity! Lets bring in some colors, put together some eloquent phrases, and act like the confident intelligent person that I was BEFORE melting away with that bag of Christmas chocolates.


Unfortunately, now that I'm pretty fried from setting this bugger up, I won't be able to construct an entire poem, but I can talk a bit about the year so far. 


Okay, not gonna lie, last year was pretty bad.  I transferred up to KSU from UGA to get out of those horrible science classes and save money and did just that...along with switching to be a sociology major! Excitement!!! I am so much happier now with these classes! I am realizing that all throughout my life (so far) I have thought in such a way as to analyze people and how they behave.  My classes do just that, and help me understand exactly why! Its so exciting to be in courses that I can apply to daily life and which I can use to better myself in the social arena.  Because that's definitely where it counts career-wise!


So the plan is to get HOPE back, get involved outside the classroom again (back at the vet, or out with a small job or internship) and to get that GPA back to where it belongs.  Then to start looking at possibilities to jump into a good career or to stay with school for some sort of masters.  Hoping all goes well and enjoying the classes and friends in the meantime!

no hands to unwind / digital beacons

I wake up to glowing numbers, then wake to them again
Solely horizontal and vertical lines, digital numbers of zen
Colon marks the center, circles continuous yet maddeningly resolute
What is to come the next time I stir and why is it all moot

I shouldn't look but can't resist, green lights in pitch black dark
Hold on to them like old night-lights, their luminescence so stark
Familiarity of childhood when the light touches the room
So subtle yet so profound I forget all pending doom

Electrical beacons of hope when minds are not quite right
Addictions in a way but burning desire to stay bright
Anticipate the next numbers, keep from missing them pass by
Wait for the chronological change, cling to order I do try

Now blinking 3 with little time to go, what's next I still must know
I hold my gaze to following days, watch the numbers grow
To revert back to where they were 24 hours ago
Evidence of past and what's been done, lived life of which to show

:P so for some reason I find this one kinda humorous, but maybe I'm just delirious..went to bed at 2 and didn't get virtually any sleep and just kept looking at the digital clock I should have covered, but too tired to get up and cover it, so I just let it keep me tired by glancing at it all night..silly me ;D enjoy my stupid poem about a clock, haha

subside

ripped apart by dichotomies
tug of war fueled by insecurity

in a state of purgatory without a guide
ignorance grows out of pride

actions stun, run, and hide
dull enough to blind the eye

frayed ropes burn the hands
that reach for someone to withstand
these broken dreams, this endless strand
these frights that make our love so bland

the loss of faith to see the truth
that lies just underneath your couth

the childish games that bring you joy
disable, hurt, and destroy
the innocence that once resided
within but quickly subsided

with age comes fear of the unknown
already shown when one has grown

so shed the fret that haunts your life
for with your will there is no strife 

drones of currents

Weaving currents, in and out
Silent screaming, hear no shout
Empty faces, features void
Meaningless purposes destroyed

Don't look close to find the fear
Inevitably leading to the tear
Passerby swift with haste
Overlook the common waste

Steady beat far away
On shore manages not to stay
Anchor in, pull the weight
Carried to the golden gate

Peering in, in search of change
Eyesight still at closer range
Rub out blurs that block and haze
Begin to clearer see the maze

A rat with cheese to hurriedly seek
Drone numbly on with hunger weak
Sustain the drive to carry on
Though paths ahead be vague and long

Movements mechanical steps of feet
True faces yet to see or meet
But known existence lingers before
The faith to seek that something more

So, I'm kinda feeling washed up in the current..fearful to hope beyond the immediate, yet unable to maintain the numb void of the present..stuck in a routine with no ends in sight and not even distracting hills to climb or descend on this ever long and flat continuum..just same followed by more same followed by repetition of the same. The aching need of guidance, of some direction or purpose that will enhance the overall goals..something to distract me with any form of excitement rather than just numbly passing the time. Goals are set, but so far off that everything looks the same from this distance. Make the distance shorter by wrinkling the time with calls back to the living. Wake up calls to remind one of their existence, to allow one to truly live again if only for a short while. Then back to the sameness..

Oh, and if anyone knows anything about publishing a poetry book please let me know..I am really starting to consider it now..it might make for some nice pocket-change at the least :P