undeserved compassion - yay, this one has a title!

:::for anyone who finds themselves in the hamster-wheel cycle of exercising compassion while enduring the crappy.. :)

Transparency of the soul always unnoticed
Innermost fibers unveiled after supposedly visible

Actions activated by the green-eyed monsters within
Hurt exerted on the tolerant
Without realization

The rigidity of foundations never yielding
Steel skins worn when internally disarmed

Molds molded through incessant love and giving
Pity taken on the inconsiderate
With reluctance

Inexplicable words and deeds melt hopes of decency
Yet the loyalist's morals are empowered and withstand 

:chain: what you need is...

Go to Google and type in your first name + needs. For example: Bob needs. Write the first ten (or more) things you find.I typed mine in the order they came on the screen.

Brenna needs her own network
Brenna needs to fart!
Brenna needs help..
Brenna needs to return to a normal life
Brenna needs to make a lil love, do a little dance and get down asap, hahaha
Brenna needs a mature family with no small children
Brenna needs to get over herself
Brenna needs to feel absolutely confident
Brenna needs numbers
Brenna needs ideas and articles
Brenna needs candy and presents

HAHA, pretty much sums it up!! lol..

:chain: name game

1. YOUR REAL NAME:
Brenna Amy McCune

2.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(mother and fathers middle names)
Marie Edmund

3.NASCAR NAME:(first name of your mother's dad, father's dad)
Frank John

4.STAR WARS NAME:(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)
mccbr (ha, nonsense)

5.DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite color, favorite animal)
Turquoise Panther

6.SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, town where you were born)
Amy Mableton

7.SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning)
The Burgundy Tea

8.FLY NAME:(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
Brne (what?!? mine are stupid)

9.STREET NAME:(fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie)
Fugde Brownie Sugar (how in the world is this a street name?!?)

10. PORN NAME: (1st pet's name, street you grew up on)
Autumn Glenn

11.YOUR GOTH NAME:(black, and the name of one of your pets)
Black Rose

12. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy
Treselle Reeses (hahaha)

at it again..

anxious agonies inflame angry angst
choose to falsely forget their existence
to uphold bluffs, continue acts, maintain masks

past blindness molds future unconsciousness
dead ends structure movements forward
shape steps, mobilize strings

transparent goals recast in softer stone
detection of the inevitable coming
restrictions then change 

okay, I feel these are pretty cryptic so I'd like to give you some insight as to where I'm coming from so as not to leave you in the dark :) ...

speaking of dark..been there done that. and the things that I learned there could not be learned elsewhere, but I'm in the process of trying to utilize those new found skills/insights...

In unhappiness I found indifference. Indifference to outside influences and opinions. Which is completely different than being unaware. I am aware of the common perception and choose to be indifferent, to zone out when things will only cause more harm. In a way, it is a selective blockade, allowing me to pick and choose what will effect those movements forwards. The indifference lets me put on blinders to the things that burn, and stay in the coolness of shadows..(where there is an issue with invisibility, but that's another story..and possibly another poem ;)). It is here I can start building my own being. Where I can make what I want out of myself, choosing only the positive and casting away the negative. Now here is my foundation, independent of dead ideas.

Oh, and I've noticed that these end up being mostly nouns and verbs because I try to keep all the "me"s and "I"s out of it, so everyone can take them in their own way.. 

:chain: the people in my life..in a chain letter!

only if you want... Go through your wall posts and list the last 21 people to post on your wall. Do not list any repeats; simply go to the next name in the list. Then answer the 42 questions pertaining to the 21 names. When you're finished, tag all 21 people on the list, so the cycle can continue. If you've been tagged, copy and paste this information into a new note and follow the directions above.

1. Sandra
2. Stuart
3. Keisha
4. Allicia
5. Monica
6. Micaela
7. Christina
8. Beth Lynn
9. Andrea
10. Hannah
11. Sammantha
12. Porsha
13. Raha
14. Amanda
15. Alex
16. Brianah
17. Joelle
18. Andrew
19. Chris
20. Kara
21. Blane

1. How did you meet 1?
we went to Garrett middle school together back in the day..ah I miss it actually

2. What would you do if you never met 14?
I would have no way of actually obtaining an English Bulldog puppy :)

3. Would you date 20?
haha, no but I still love her! :P

4. Have you ever seen 8 cry?
nah

5. Would 3 and 13 make a good couple?
nope, this is a silly question

6. Describe 9
she is one of those people who you can talk to for HOURS!! our convos in spanish were unending

7. Do you like 16?
of course, she's one of the most genuinely sweet people I have ever met (grammar there?)

8. Do you think 6 is attractive?
indeed, and I'm so jealous of her hair!! :)

9. When was the last time you talked to 19?
like a day ago through fb

10. Would you ever date 10?
haha, nope

11. Where does 15 live?
somewhere in Athens I think..

12. What is the best thing about 21?
His photography skills! great at catching you at the perfect moment!

13. What would you like to tell 18 right now?
hm..good luck with your reaction paper, lol

14. What is the best thing about 7?
she's the funnest person to talk to! I remember our convos being quite lively :)

15. Have you ever kissed 11?
no, and these romance questions are getting more and more retarded

16. What's the best memory you have of 3?
ah, the entire magnet experience..getting through those classes with those teachers lol

17. When's the next time you're going to see 12?
hopefully soon for lunch to catch up before I transfer :)

18. Is 15 pretty?
Pretty?? lol, handsome yes..but I think it would be insulting to call him pretty

19. What was your first impression of 4?
that I knew her from somewhere but couldn't place it..but I figured it out through context..high school!

20. Is 13 your best friend?
nah, but i have a feeling she would be a darn good one :)

21. Have you seen 16 in the last month?
unfortunately, no..but we were discussing poetry on fb recently

22. When was the last time you saw 14?
last semester I think

23. Have you been to 21's house?
no

24. When is the next time you'll see 10?
dunno, maybe at another party..

25.Are you really close to 1?
I'd say so, yes..we hung out all the time and talked about lots of stuff in middle school

26. Would you give 20 a hug?
yes, a big one! :P

27. Have you ever been to 17's house?
nah, but we worked some long hours at hobby lobby together..

28. Do you know a secret about 5?
haha, she'd get it out of me if I did, but no.

29. Describe the relationship between 14 and 19?
nonexistent..this doesn't make sense

30. What's your friendship like with 5?
ah...good one..she's my second mother, and I love her dearly

31.Have you ever danced with 18?
nah, but that would probably be fun :P

32. How do you know 21?
through Sigma Alpha

33. Does 2 have a bf?
I hope not..lol, he has a girlfriend

34. Have you ever wanted to punch 4 in the face?
heck no, why would I want to do that!?

35. Has 11 met your mother?
nope

36. Have you traveled anywhere with 12?
i don't think so..maybe a magnet trip at some point..but I can't remember

37. If you gave 7 $100, what would they spend it on/
I really don't know..

38. What's your best memory of 2?
haha, any of the shenanigans at the vet..and there were plenty

39.What is the one thing you most want 8 to know?
that I will miss her being away from Sigma Alpha and UGA, but it's all good

40. What was the last thing you did with 15?
talked religion, which is always really cool

41. When did you meet 20?
Garrett middle school again..fun times

42. What do you wish for 4?
for anything she wants to come true!!

:chain: if you're curious..

Hehe, this is what happens when I'm on one of my 24/7 Facebook streaks..

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Nope, there aren't many Brennas...but I do have a distant cousin named Brenna

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
The weekend before last

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes, now that I've drastically changed it for the 5th-ish time in my life

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Pastrami from Patak - the Bohemian meat market at home

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Heck naw! and never will

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Probably not, unless socially forced to stick around..too transient

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Rarely, but when I do, its something I feel strongly about since it can be used as a weapon :P

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes, and the nurse said they are the biggest she's ever seen..lol

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Maybe, only if I was completely stressed out or under the influence of some substance, haha

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Well, it WAS Waffle Crisp until some genius decided to stop making/selling it :( Now I guess its Total because that's the only way I get my vitamins

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Nope, and rarely untie them to put them back on

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Anything with chocolate, chocolate, more chocolate, and some fudge..I HATE vanilla

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their style..prep, punk, something un-stereotypical..those are the people that catch my eye..those that incorporate a bit of everything

15. RED OR PINK?
Neither, TURQUOISE!

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My need for human contact..half the time I'd be better off without it...says the girl who spends her life on a social networking site..oy!

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
haha, my pets...in particular, the retarded little JRT at my house

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
I don't really care..I find them interesting but its time consuming so I understand..

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Jeans and brown flip flops

20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
haha, old school..Smash Mouth - Astro Lounge

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Turquoise or aqua or whatever they call it..that deep sea color..

23. FAVORITE SMELL?
Outdoors

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My mutha! about money of course, lol

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
OF COURSE!!! She's my second mother!

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Football and Nascar

27. EYE COLOR?
Green

28. HAIR COLOR?
Naturally blonde, but red right now

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Nope, 20/20..and I knock on wood every time of of these things asks me that, just in case

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
too many to choose, chicken noodle soup, jambalaya, roast-anything, gumbo

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings of course

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Max Payne..loved it

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
grey rugby shirt

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
winter

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
kisses

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
sugar cookies

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
dunno

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
dunno, these questions are dumb

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
I WAS reading The Irresistable Revolution until my history class required Founding Brothers to be done by Friday..agh!

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
its a macbook..no mouse or pad

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
nothing, the last thing I watched on TV was Desperate Housewives

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S)?
music! ..or ceiling fans

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles fo sho

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME
St. Louis when I was little

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Um my fingers are "double jointed" although I think that term is not technically correct

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
everyones!

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER:
oh I despise this question, thanks for the reminder

49. IS THE CUP HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?
the real question is whether it has caffeine

more free verse...this is fun!

Into closed vacancies
Deaf knocks sent
Regretful echoes

From frayed edges
Lost minds taken
Temporary refuge

Amidst defenses
Cold eyes left
Silent stirring

Okay, I'm done for tonite.. :)

feeling phrases

Not sure if this is possibly poetry (if it is, could someone please tell me what type it is? lol), but its just things that came to mind recently. It started with the whole Facebook-status-mentality of "Brenna McCune is..." and went from there..

Clenching
Waiting for the pull of strings
Assertion of power

Hoping
Waiting for the push of hands
Dismissal of being

Quitting
Waiting for the numb of stings
Indifference of hope

That's all folks!