Alright, I've been neglectful again so I will at least update from my ipod today lol. So things have been going really well lately! I have found that people are capable of so many different emotions and outlooks simultaneously. It goes back to that whole awareness of contradictions for me.. I'm always torn completely between two different outlooks.. Like I want a good paying job but I don't want to be dependent upon money and materialistic items, or I want to be far away from certain aggravating situations but realize that they are completely neccsesary to be able to learn, or how I have absolutely no patience for some things but am told I have the "patience of a saint" for others. The most potent example lately is in the romance field (approriately enough for the holiday coming up!). I found my independence and with that came the resistance to any type of help or care from another. I told myself that I would, in the words of lady gaga "never love again" and that I would not allow myself to be caught off guard again. I became a hater of all things romantic and cheesy, and still am with certain things. But I can't help but hope for something betteras life has thrown me a wonderful curveball in my little world of love-hatred :P I have been given that hope back of which I was slowly but surely losing grip. There are gifts that everyone gives, whether that be monetary or simply by gracing you with their presence. The latter seems so much less significant, but at certain times (times that should really be all the time) the simple positive presence or support (translation: the God-forbidden l-word..love!)from someone can mean all the world. So happy early Valentine's day from one love-hater-turned-lover to perhaps another :)

the status of hate and love

..takes the hatred and absorbs it into myself because I am stronger than it's viral power..I will be the machinery for its conversion into love..

Life is one big CAMPing trip

Hey, sorry its been a while but I have been keeping myself busy! Intentionally.  I started volunteering at CAMP this past week and am loving it so far.  I worked there when I was in middle school back with Mrs. McPhereson at Garrett.  She was so awesome with instilling that willingness to work for society in us early on.  Well, now I'm the 'oldest' there at CAMP..11 years, wow.  But  they are doing so well now! Very organized and they have a system for everything.  Who would have thought the hungry could get birthday cakes on their birthday (all donated food from stores, people, and govt)! Awesome! I was especially proud of myself because we had a diabetic couple come in who needed wheat instead of white bread because they fill white with sweeteners and sugar..well, we were out of wheat bread, but I tracked down and analyzed the ingredients on a few loaves of Publix Italian Hearth bread that has 0 sugar!! yay :) So I have made myself quite comfortable going there..its nice to chill and grocery shop for people that can't do it for themselves.  and they are the sweetest, most polite people! So heartwarming.  Even the ones who cannot bring themselves to say thanks (be it due to embarrassment, pride, what have you), its visible on their faces and demeanor how much they need it and how much of a hole it fills in them at that moment.

Besides doing that, I picked up a bunch of applications for part time jobs at the mall..I don't really expect to have any luck right away, but I hope something decent will pop up since the mall is on my way back and forth to school and I'm there a lot anyway, it'd be something to do and get paid for :)

Then there's school, doing group presentations and projects so trying to stay on top of all that and incorporate everyone's ideas adequately.  We will be presenting on my birthday, and its also another girl's birthday in my group..so weird.  Oh, and then we'll also get our tests that day to start working on..and this is all monday after super bowl sunday in which the Saints!!! are playing..will be a busy couple of days, that's for sure.

On a more philosophical note, I was reading the Narcissism Epidemic today and a lot of things struck me about how our generation is spoiled rotten and that we are TOLD we are great and BELIEVE we are great, but we actually aren't PROVEN to be great statistically, in fact we are worse.  The book hit on blogging too..but I really don't assume that anyone cares, except my close friends.  This is more of a way for me to keep track so when I'm 80 I can go back and see my thinking process from now.  But it made me think about the different low points in the past and how that disappointment I had for whatever reason was usually due to something in which I felt that I was totally fine, if not BEST at doing :( But its so easy to see and fix when the book addresses it like it did.  It basically said that if you are told you are gifted at something, you believe it and feel confident in it, but in reality are making no improvement or are not very gifted to begin with.  They did a survey that said that the most narcissistic people were not any better looking or accomplished than most, in fact some were worse! lol.  And how Asian cultures do not even have a word for self-esteem, but rather focus on the group good, not the individual.  Interesting, to the point of making me check certain behaviors.  I love learning :)